Seeking to be Healthy in Toxic Systems

So how do we look at the darkness in our culture right now, and turn that into positive action — without dragging ourselves down? I think that's a key skill of our times. And I want to help with that!

I've been thinking lately what a challenge it is to seek to be healthy in a toxic system. That's true whether the system is a family, company, school, group, city, or our country. 

Right now, we're seeing that toxicity at the top of our political system. But I don't think that it appeared there out of thin air. Rather, it reflects poisons that have long run throughout our culture, causing harm to many people and creatures, and our precious earth.

So, yes, let's address the immediate threats we face. And also, in this blog, I want to explore some of my ideas for uprooting the deeper issues we face in all areas of our lives.

Because getting at the roots can actually be a more efficient and effective way of making changes in our collective lives!

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The toxicity that I specifically want to address in this blog is the rampant ABUSE that can be found at all levels of our CULTURE. Too often abuse is discussed as if it's just a personal experience. But my observation and premise is that it's often also  a shared one. 

This abuse wear many faces, from old-school to new-age — even using healthy and spiritual words. It's not about a specific group of people per se.

What makes a person or system abusive is their BEHAVIOR. This includes bullying, lying, scheming, being two-faced — all for personal gain — with no concern about ethics or who gets harmed. It's also visible in the behavior used to maintain the toxicity, which makes the situation even more toxic. This includes personal attacks on anyone who dares speak up, manufactured fake "reality" that creates confusion or misdirection in the audience, and more. 

These patterns are being made so clear to us right now. Writ large on our cultural TV screen. And I think that can help us see them and heal them.

Because so many people and creatures and cultures are already being harmed by these abusive patterns. I think we've all seen this in our everyday lives, even if we didn't use these words. 

So now is an excellent time to uproot this beast. Its increased visibility is a silver lining that we can use to help better things happen in the world!

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I know that some people are just being brought into community issues in the past two years, and that seeing this darkness can be shocking. And it is shocking. I want us to keep calling it shocking, to not let it be normal.

I know very well the feeling of being challenged by this. It's one of the things I've had to wrestle with over my past 27 years of taking community action and encouraging others to do the same.

I understand only too well how it can be exhausting and disturbing to see darkness run will. 

I understand why it might seem easier to just ignore it, go with the flow, try to carve a separate happiness.

But the problem is that it gives your power away — to the power brokers who are causing the mayhem. It allows the abuse to continue. There is no neutral place to stand right now. We're either on one side or the other.

Plus, I think it keeps us miserable. At least it did for me, when I tried to just go along with what I knew was harmful. I found that I couldn't live in that dark world where you can only feed the darkness and there is no light. I couldn't live in hopelessness.

So I understand that cynicism, fatalism, and nihilism might seem easy to some, because then they don't have to act. But to me it feels like death.

On the other hand, I find that when I take action to help support better outcomes -- I feel so much better! It energizes me. I like feeling like I'm on the team of people making things better. I like feeling that I'm growing and improving my own abilities to handle such situations.

The actions we can take might include learning about the issues and how to impact them, identifing the groups I want to support and supporting them, and overcoming my own internal barriers. That's how I handle my despair.

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And I realized that my years of wrestling with the emotional aspect of community work could also be useful to supporting people in this process right now. 

So I wanted you to know, as you read this blog, that I didn't get to cheerleading our best because I'm one of those naturally chipper people who never had anything bad happen to them. On the contrary, I've had serious challenges. I've seen how dark people can get, and been harmed by them.

Rather, I got to looking for constructive action because it's what helped me feel better about these challenging situations.

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>> So now we turn to the key question: How do we look at the darkness and turn that into positive action without dragging ourselves down? I think that's a key skill of our times.

I think it's helpful first to name the question. And then to be open to the possibility that we can find a balance of facing the dark and acting for the light. I know that that balance exists. We don't need to just try to escape. We can actually find growth and relief in taking these challenges on.

And sometimes that includes challenging ourselves to stop and look at our habitual responses, and perhaps find more effective responses. 

Because we are all part of this culture and have played roles in abuse dynamics. Yes, as injured ones. But sometimes by inadvertently allowing the harm to continue. Because we were overwhelmed and didn't know what to do to help.

Now, it might seem easier and simpler to say that it is "them" that need to do all the changing. But, as in our personal lives, that approach actually gives our power away. 

It can actually be joyful to find things that "we" can do to be part of the solution.

And the good news is that we each don't need to be perfect or take on all the challenges ourselves. We can just find ways to pitch in, to join together with others taking action and combine our power together.

And we need to do that. Because we can no longer expect just a few people to do the work of the collective. These problems have just gotten too large. 

Yes, the more committed activists can help map out solutions. But they need more people standing with them for their plans to work.

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So we need all hands on deck now. We need an overwhelming number of people overcoming their own inertia and barriers and learned helplessness — and learning how to help create change constructively.

The good news is that there are great people doing great work on the key issues of our times. There are SOLUTIONS. They/we just need a lot more people supporting them.

That means that we CAN stand up for democracy and against tyranny. We CAN help reverse climate change and chart a saner healthier future for our planet and all living creatures on it. And so much more.

And we can feel BETTER by taking this action and seeing better things happen. That to me is the balm for our souls. 

And it's our chance to be the healing for a culture that really needs some of that just about now.

What is good for us individually is good for us collectively. 

We don't have to just let the toxicity rule. We can join with others in standing for health.

And — I hope that my writing, here and elsewhere, will encourage and empower you to do that!

So I invite you to keep reading — and share your thoughts with me. 

Let's see what we together can do!

~ In service,
Patricia Dines

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I hope you enjoyed this piece and I welcome your thoughts. Tell me what you like about it, or any other constructive thoughts you might have. Even cheerleaders need cheerleading, and I shared this in a different way than usual. Thanks!

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